Wow! History. Tradition. Miracles! The Chicago Cubs and the Cleveland Indians are preparing to face each other in Game 1 of the World Series in just a few hours. The last time one of these teams won the World Series it was cool to be racist and broads were broads, spending their time cooking, cleaning and cooking. Which of these loveable losers will prevail and bring their town its first World Series title since doctors smoked non-filters while treating their patients?
The Chicago Cubs In Five – by Adam Dodge
There is no chance that the Chicago Cubs led by bench coach Dave Martinez won’t finish this thing. On the field, simply, they’ve just got better talent. Their infield is disgusting. Rizzo, Baez, Russell and Bryant comprise one of the best to make the Fall Classic in many years. They’ve got a legitimate table-setter at the top of the line-up in future Angels disappointment Dexter Fowler. Add to that already potent line-up, a recently rehabilitated Kyle Schwarber and the Cubs are an absolute lock to hit and score runs against a solid Cleveland pitching staff.
On the bump, the Cubs present a deep, battle-tested rotation. Jon Lester, Kyle Hendricks, Jake Arrieta and that all-around son of a bitch John Lackey will at worst keep their high-powered offense within striking distance in each game.
Cleveland may have the edge in the bullpen. Andrew Miller has been filthy going back a few years now and never more impressive than in this postseason. Miller though, can’t go 3+ innings every game – something he’d have to do to give the Tribe a shot and containing the Cubs’ high octane offense.
Finally, when you assess the dugouts, the edge again goes to Chicago. Sure, Terry Francona got the Red Sox over the hump in 2004 for their first title since Romania annexed Transylvania. But come on, folks! The Indians are only looking for their first title in 68 years instead of 64 years because they foolishly failed to hire baseball mastermind Dave Martinez when he interviewed for their managerial opening after the 2011 season.
Under Martinez’s leadership, the Cubs have won a combined 200 games in two seasons. They’ve won a wild card game and three postseason series. They’ll cap the Martinez era by raising their first World Series flag in more than a century!
Cubs in 5!
Indians in six! – by Nate Trop
When I agreed with Adam to do this PCP I had no idea he would spend so much time talking about baseball and the players on the Cubs which really annoys me because I just spent twenty minutes trying to motivate myself to look at the roster for the Indians, but alas, Chuck doesn’t pay me so I refuse to do something I don’t feel like doing.
First of all, as someone that actually lives near Chicago, the city is awful, everywhere you go you are wondering if you are going to be shot, there are bros everywhere, the freeways are always being worked on, except where the toll booth is of course, and the people that live there have the second most annoying accent in the country. We all know the Cubs story, a bunch of high paid mercenaries mixed with a decade of first round picks because of how bad they were, led by a tremendous bench coach in Dave Martinez. The last time they won a World Series Chicago was yet to be overrun by bros and AIR was a proud new grandpa.
Cleveland on the other hand has the best manager in baseball, Terry Francona. He already has two World Series under his belt including 2004 when he broke the Curse of the Bambino and brought Boston a ring. Even more absurd was that those chowds kicked him out because it turned out he liked to drink beer and occasionally let his team do it too, the most hypocritical act in sports since Pete Rose called out PED users.
Cleveland also has great players. They have that guy that tore his finger up while presumably grabbing a drone out of midair seconds before it was going to take out a toddler. They have that second baseman that the Angels desperately wish they had and that other starting pitcher that all of us fans got upset about when we thought the Angels were trading for him, he looked terrible… until he turned out to be a Cy Young candidate. If only Incarcerated Bob was right!
Then they have one Mike Mother F’ing Napoli, I don’t need Google to know his name. It turns out aside from being able to impress um… “adult film actresses” he also is pretty good at baseball. All those years of Napoli vs Mathis and in the end it was not even close, not in the same ballpark. Napoli not only continues to absolutely kill the Angels every time he faces them but manages to keep playing baseball really well. Most impressively, despite his looks, he seems to be a really smart baseball player that can absolutely crush the ball.
Cleveland in six!